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About Traditional Art / Professional Member Timid to UnlimitedFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 7 Years
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(Contains: ideologically sensitive material)
The first recounted issue occurred while on vacation in Jersey shore back in 1994. I was about to leave for the other hotel room for an Act-Out Story urge that came up and mom took that as being by myself for no reason and got mad about it. So, I did feel mad about that.

Another time, when my back pack was full of favorite readings of mine, I was asked why there wasn't any room for homework at the time or why I didn’t have it because of lack of room. Mom storms into my room, ranting as she thrusts out books from the back pack and threw them around the room.

Another time, I was using an electric razor to shave, mom came in to show how to do it like I didn’t have a clue, and I kept saying  “I know”, she yelled shut up, repeating my words in a condescending voice like that was my tone. Then shaves for me as it felt very disgusting; she recounts what happened to dad in their bedroom as I could only hear muffling.

I remember some scolding moments: giggling/laughing for no reason, she snapped back and I got mad/annoyed/hissy; hissed or tugged hard on at church for whatever reason; at the beach she lost her balance, I kept saying I’m sorry, she snapped a shut up back and if said again got told off again.

I also remember writing a card for a special occasion then that expressed how I felt and how hurt I was; it made her upset and obviously wasn't a time to bring it up. Any time I was in my room alone and doing my Act-Out Story, I remember moments when hearing a yell to “Get a life!” or “Read a book!” She even ranted to me that I wasn't gonna be upstairs by myself at a holiday party and forced me to be socialized.

Though despite these, she mostly did the work for my counseling and therapy sessions; dad being busy with work and the one I felt safer to talk to and had no problem giving what was wanted. At the time, all the enforcements from mom I took as “bad and unloving”. It even led me to comparisons of other mother/daughter, older women/younger women images such as Margaret White (“Carrie”) to the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. “Carrie” has been a big inspiration in my life, and for why the comparison: more for how a mother could treat her daughter/child that way, the kind of raising that the child only feels fear and confusion on love/help/knowing something isn’t right. I did express a song one time for feeling bad about it. A sort of apology/expression at the time. It’s also been on and off with the love/hate thing. Even in dreams, the trauma is heightened; mentally/verbally abused, unsympathetic behavior from her to the worry and fear that she’s still alive/never died to now stating, from me, something as a chant: “I hate you, I hate you! I wish you were dead!” And stating that I don’t care anymore, wish to finally be free.

+From a separate incident; a neighborhood kid’s older brother took something from me, trying to get it back, he screamed no in front of my face, and I burst out crying and was defended for.

+Mom yelled at me from the car while the other girls helped me ride my bike (not quite sure why or about being in the road: no idea).

+One college roommate flipped out on me for some ridiculous thing all before I left the dorms for good for a group home (2001).

+Aunt lost her temper on me for group home issue, called “mentally retarded” for it.

Second roommate I ever had had her own mental issues. Around the time my guinea pig was ill, she tried what she thought was being helpful for bringing religion in to help, but the conversation she imposed on felt almost on a fanatical level; brought in an example of a gunman pointing a gun at me, asking “Do I believe in God?” I was hesitant in how to answer because of an answer to say. Then it was the discussions of what things you do that bring you to Hell: a major one was playing violent video games or movies. A counselor of some kind reinstated that belief.

Another was doing a duo weight loss. After a while, I felt I made a wrong decision on that and said I didn’t want to do it anymore. She would later bring it up that along with bible reading almost as a way to be mad at me for changing my mind. She would behave very dominantly, using her anger and tone to lash out when mad, forcing us to talk and being the dominant speaker since I felt anything I said would only make her more mad, telling me of things I’ve done wrong or if she assumes how I behave or my facial expressions meant something else. If I got sick, she would accuse me of lying if I was moving around after I was feeling a little better; verbally scolding me for whatever I did/didn’t do.

It got to a point where I told her I was getting bad vibes from her, she got peeved and a meeting was planned that I was scared of, as I felt I was the only one to defend my part when Fitzmaurice higher ups appeared more toward her as I was flustered and scared to speak, eventually thinking that they took more of her side than me of how to get along at that point. She would also one time, almost paranoid, asking if I was making loud noises when it was very much quiet, her tone feeling like I was lying, then her getting mad, sitting back down to hear her rave again. She had said to me at other times that “I can’t do anything without her” and “I would never survive a rape”. Even when sad, if the wrong thing was said, she goes off.

A very motherly-like demeanor at times; other times can be set off if she was provoked. I have no memory of ever calling her stupid while she attended community college (I still fear of what the truth really was). Even when she moved out, I ended up holding the rest of her things in my sun room until she got a ride or a time to pick up the rest. Ended up making the mistake of leaving the door unlocked so she could get them while we had grocery shopping. Despite explaining they would have no idea what would be if I said no to her and then seemingly not caring and assumed they don’t have my safety in their interest from her, it ended up for me doing something I know better than to do. Since then, I don’t trust R. because of it or even CB for her overall persona that I also agree on how the others see her as a bitch or a “c---“. Even when I explained what I could then to Jeanette of the past, I did trust a little then but ended up putting that same hatred there, again because of that demeanor. Another broken trust came before the second house mate by the very first one. Slowly becoming friends, they led me on about a money-making opportunity, involving selling my laptop and bringing in car amps and stereo parts I kept in the closet. Kept putting money into it even after she was kicked out; ended up giving them my credit card so they could stay at a hotel. Knowing I couldn't keep this up, I told my brother and my aunt what was going on. Fitzmaurice was told called the police and took the car stuff out, conversing and supporting during that time went on. Afterwards, night staff was there to see if I am still ok. It was a rare time that I did trust Fitzmaurice for that. But after what looked like the opposite came down from the second house mate, the trust and patience for the residents dwindled from there.
The Consequences of My Life
A list letting out the events that brought out the demons I continue to deal with today. Whether you agree or not, that's your own to deal with with.
Facebook post, March 2014

Day Gone Sideways, Trying to Keep the Meltdown at Bay
(dictated from one of the members of the group)

Anyone relate to this?
I knew what the day was gonna be like yesterday.

Painters were coming in today at the house, but I also have an appointment with OVR (services for those with disabilities for employment) and then a medication review over an hour later in town.

I planned, acted and mindful of my triggers, including how tired I might feel as my sleep patterns are off.

As usual, I woke up around 4:46 am, thought I could take a quick sleep to feel somewhat refreshed since I figured I wouldn't be sleeping for long.

But then I woke up at 8:45. My ride was here to go to OVR, the painters then came, I tried to get dressed as quickly as humanly possible and get my stuff since I wasn't gonna be around when they paint for who knows how long.

OVR appointment cancelled because of the lateness, so I went out like as planned, waited to arrive for my review.

I explained to the doctor what was going on as I forgot to bring my med review sheet.

I didn't really react because this is pretty common to be stressed and forget your head.
With all this going on, I go through many emotions.

I get angry, upset, my mind is racing as I think about all the things that could go wrong & the different people I have to deal with that will yell at me or blame me for everything or that nobody would care how my mind processes things.

I was almost ready to tear up from all this, but I'm listening to Pandora, but I still feel like crying even though I'm out in public.

When you have bad days, it isn't just a bad day, it literally becomes a bad day.

I also don't want to be judged by this day by others that think maybe I shouldn't be so focused on looking for work or maybe I should go live with relatives for awhile.

Just listening to music & trying to not Meltdown...
March 2014
A Facebook post from earlier this year, described from someone else for me of one of the examples of meltdowns I go through.
Mature Content Filter is On. The Artist has chosen to restrict viewing to deviants 18 and older.
(Contains: strong language)
Angry, angry Nerd
Where are you?
You got shitty games
To review now!

Angry, Angry Nerd,
Where are you?
You can't be taking
A diarrhea puke now.

Come on, Angry Nerd,
I see you.
Pretending your playing
Super Mario.

You're not foolin' me
Cause I can see
It's really Jeckyll
And Hyde, (d'oh!!)

You know you play
These crappy games
With nothin' better Than
Shit Pickle and
The Power Glove Attack!
(That's a load of crap!)

And Angry Nerd
If you come through
You're gonna have yourself
A Rollin' Rock!
(Shit load of fuck!!!)

Angry, Angry Nerd
Here are you!
You're ready
And your willin'!

If we can count on you,
Angry Nerd,
You'll be playing
Ass-y games in Hellin'!
AVGN: Scooby Doo Parody Tune
I had this stored around for years as an idea of the main theme if he ever decides to do videos of past Scooby Doo games.
  • Mood: Neutral
  • Playing: Facebook games
  • Drinking: Pumpkin Spice Latte
These are the rules:
    1. You must posts these rules. 
    2. Each person has to share 10 things about them 
    3. Answer the 10 questions asked to you and invent 10 questions the people you tag will have to answer 
    4. Choose 10 people and put their icons on your journal 
    5. Go to their page to inform them they are tagged 
    6. Not something like " you are tagged if you read that" 
    7. You have to legitimately tag 10 people 
    8. No tag-backs 
    9. You can't say that you don't do tags.
    10. YOU MUST MAKE A JOURNAL ENTRY. NO COMMENTS. Unless you're commenting about the actual entry 

1. I have mental issues/disorders.

2. I have near unusual kinks.

3. I live in a group home (related to MH issues and lack of work).

4. I hate being asked "How are you?" questions. I have nothing going on in my life to say anything else or even give it a temperament of good or bad.

5. I'm one of those that has a college degree but no job and live in a town that doesn't cater to what I studied nor any self transportation means (i.e. no driver's license).

6. I consider myself pansexual.

7. I've only been in 2 relationships that add up to less than a year total.

8. I participate in online surveys for gift card amounts and extra cash when needed.

9. I've self DX'ed myself with Asperger's Syndrome, as a lot of the traits I have are very similar and connected. Still trying to see how to get an official diagnosis, but either I've been told I don't need it or because it costs a lot and might take some time (BIG FLUFFIN' DUH!)

10. I find as I get older, cats or other small pets like your mice and hamsters are more tolerable to deal with than people. And find that it's still sad to feel this say even if you're also a human (not sad in that you only like animals, but that there isn't much leeway). 


AnimeCutiePie's Profile Picture
Timid to Unlimited
Artist | Professional | Traditional Art
United States
Current Residence: Pennsylvania
Favourite genre of music: Easy Listening, Soft Rock, J-Pop, Oldies
Operating System: Windows XP
Wallpaper of choice: Anime or anything themed
Favourite cartoon character: Demyx, Xigbar,Garfield, Sailor Pluto, The Valentine Brothers, The Mighty Heroes, Chip and Dale
Personal Quote: As there are many people in the world, so there are the many views of Life

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tp32 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014

You've been tagged for the 10 questions about yourself tag here:…
kaitlynrager Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hey everyone, I have make new other account :iconrippyvan1: ~Rippyvan1 . If u want add watch me
Because add new group and more pic
Destroyer77 Featured By Owner May 11, 2014
AnimeCutiePie Featured By Owner May 12, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
LivvieBrundle Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
= Fight for you
= Respect you
= Involve you
= Encourage you
= Deserve you
= Save you
Send this to all your friends & me if I'm one.....If you get 4 back
you are liked but if u get 7 back then you are seriously loved
AMorticianToDIEFor Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the favourite!
AnimeCutiePie Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
IsaacPapperman Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the fave! ♥
AnimeCutiePie Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Helen-Si Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav=)
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